It has been 1 year 6 months 1 week and 6 days since my father died.

I confessed how I pretended he had written unsent letters to me all these years. Imagined him thinking of me often and whispering "goodnight"s into the darkness each night. Smiling at the image in the mirror as if it was me. I will never know if my imaginings were anything but wishful thinking. But today for the first time since he died I felt him.

Albert Einstein's theory of energy put it best. "Energy cannot be created or destroyed. it can only be altered." Humans are energy. When we die that energy most go somewhere. . . I believe in life after death. Spirits of ourselves existing in some form not visible to human eyes or technology. I believe that is where my father is.

After feeling a high sense of depression for the last couple weeks, I felt empty. I thought of him and tears started to form. And I asked myself if he loved me. . . I turned to the window and looked up at the beautiful blue sky and I felt. . . calm, comforted, soothed. . . as though someone was holding me and telling me they loved me. I have no doubt in my mind that it was him.

And I cried, but happily because I know he loves me. . . Ever since I was 11 years old I asked myself this question in vain. Today 12 years later I have my answer. I can't remember the last time I felt this calm.

I am at peace with my father for the first time in 12 years. I feel exhilarated!

I am At Peace.